Chocolate Cupcakes with Peppermint Buttercream and Chocolate Bark!

So I've never really found a chocolate cake that I truly like and this recipe has the perfect chocolate cupcake! I came up with the idea a while back when I was eating mint matchmakers but I just got around to making them about a week ago.

Ingredients

Chocolate Cupcakes

• 4tbsp Boiling Water
• 1 1/2 oz Cocoa Powder
• 3 Eggs 
• 6 1/2 oz Unsalted Butter, room temp
• 6 oz Golden Caster Sugar
• 4 1/2 oz Self-Raising Flour, sifted
• 1 tsp Baking Powder

Mint Buttercream

• 12 Ounces (340g) Unsalted Butter, room temp
• 1/2 Teaspoon Peppermint Extract
• 11 Ounces(320g) Icing Sugar, sifted
• 3-4 drops of green food colouring (optional)

Chocolate Bark

• 3 1/2 oz Plain Chocolate, melted
• Handful of Marshmallows (optional)
• White Chocolate Chips (optional)

Optional

• Chocolate Chips
• Chocolate Sprinkles
• Mini Matchmakers

Method

Chocolate Bark

1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pot of hot water.
2. When melted add the melted chocolate to a lined oven tray.
3. decorate however you want to and place in the freezer.
4. I left mine in the freezer until the cupcakes were done and I took the bark and snapped it and then I put it back in the freezer.

Chocolate Cupcakes

1. Line a muffin tin with paper cases and preheat the oven to  200c (180 fan, Gas mark 6) 
2. Sift the cocoa powder into a bowl and add the boiling water and mix into a thick paste. 
3. Add the remaining ingredients and mix (it doesn't matter what you use to mix, I used a wooden spoon instead of an electric whisk)
4. Divide the mixture evenly into the paper cases (I use an ice cream scoop half full) bake for 12-15 minutes in the pre-heated oven.

Peppermint Buttercream

1. Beat the butter and icing sugar together.
2. Add the peppermint flavouring and the food colouring (optional)
3. I used a piping bag and a nozzle to pipe the icing on but you don't have to.

Enjoy! 

Daily Self-Care Schedule! Part Two!

For the first post in the series click HERE

I'm back again! Hi guys, I've been ill for the past couple of days and had to upload the second part of my three-parter self-care series anyways! As we all know self-care and recovery go hand in hand, here is a plan for daily self-care for the week ahead.

Sunday
Question Of The Day: Can I let go my anger from last week?
Before you go to bed run a nice warm bubble bath
Plan to do little bits of things you've been procrastinating throughout the week.
Whether this is a project you've been planning to do or putting off something because it makes you anxious, make small steps.

Monday
Question Of The Day: What do people constantly ask you advice on?
Write down a list of things that you are grateful for.
Plan to clean one room.
Whether the room is the smallest in the house or the biggest, it still is a small achievement even if you didn't want to do it.

Tuesday
Question Of The Day: What really matters and what doesn't? Write a list.
Write down what quotes you love and why.
Declutter your wardrobe.
My one tip for decluttering your wardrobe is to have four piles of your clothes. One for the charity. One for ones that you'll send to the tip. Ones that you want to keep and another pile for the ones that you're not sure of.

Wednesday
Question Of The Day: What is working and what isn't working?
What is your word of the day?
Do some breathing exercises
for a post that has breathing exercises click HERE

Thursday
Question Of The Day: What could you do that would make you feel calmer and at ease?
What would you like MORE of in your life?
Listen to your favourite music/podcast
If you have an iPhone or Apple product they have a podcast app!

Friday
Question Of The Day: What massive action can you take that would get you closer to your dreams?
What would you like LESS of in your life?
Plan to get together with your friends at the weekend.
Whether it's just chilling at home watching rom coms or going out plan it!

Saturday
Question Of The Day: What have you conquered in the past week?
Look at yourself in the mirror and see how amazing and beautiful you are!
Get ready and get together with friends and go out!

For the printable pdf click HERE

I have just noticed that theres still a textbox in this photo i'll edit it out tomorrow because i'm tired!

Suicide Prevention: What You Should Know

I've noticed that people open up more about suicide now than they have before, but they don't talk about attempting suicide. Here is what you should know about suicide and attempting suicide.

Nearly one million people will lose their lives to suicide each year according to the World Health Organisation (WHO) so the Global mortality rate is 16 in every 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. Although for every suicide there are more attempted suicides, suicide attempts are twenty times more frequent than completed suicides, an earlier suicide attempt is a risk factor for someone to commit suicide.


It has been predicted that by 2020 the rate of suicide will increase to one suicide every twenty seconds.

In the last 45 years, suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now one of the top three causes of death among those aged 15-44 (both male and females) even though suicide attempts have been traditionally higher in elderly males, rates amongst young people have been raising to such an extent that they are now the group at the highest risk in a third of all countries.

Mental Health disorders (particularly Depression and Substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide. However, suicide from many cultural factors and is more likely to happen during socioeconomic, family and individual crisis (for example, death of a loved one, sexual orientation, difficulties in developing their own identity)

But Suicide is not a random act.

Suicide is a symptom of a mental illness. As I said earlier the majority of those who commit suicide have depression or another mood disorder.

More than two-thirds of those who attempt suicide are in the middle of a major depressive episode at the time that they decide to die.

For each person who successfully commits suicide twenty attempt suicide.

Symptoms of Depression
Hopelessness
Persistent feelings of sadness
Loss of interest in activities and hobbies
Thoughts of death or suicide
Changes in weight or appetite
Feeling restless and/or agitated

Warning Signs of Suicide

Threats of suicide

Withdrawal from family and friends

Talking, writing or thinking about suicide

Increased aggression

Reckless behaviour

Gender Differences in Suicide and Depression

Women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, this is probably because women seek help.

In Males
Less likely to recognise symptoms and seek help
More likely to succeed at suicide
More likely to present irritability, aggression and hostility

In Females

Depression occurs earlier, lasts longer and is likely to recur

More feelings of sadness occur

Suicide attempts are more likely

Scientific Facts
Depression is cyclical
Therapy, medication and lifestyle changes have proven effective in recovering
A friend or loved one of someone who attempts suicide are more likely to become at risk of suicide
It has been estimated that each suicide leaves 6-32 survivors.
Survivors experience deep feelings of guilt, anger, shock, abandonment, denial, shock and helplessness.

What Depression Tells You

"The world is better off without me"

"Nobody cares"

"Nobody would miss you"

"It will always be like this"

"I am and always will be worthless"

Feeling Suicidal? Call these numbers.
If you are in danger call you countries emergency number
The Samaritans: 116 123 (UK) 
PAPYRUS hopeline call 0800 068 41 41 or text 07786 209697

Sources
http://www.befrienders.org/suicide-statistics 
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs398/en/

Photos in this post are not mine unless otherwise stated.

A Letter To My Nieces

I do not have children but I have two nieces and one nephew, and I love them to the moon and back and they will always be a part of my heart.

You know it's pretty amazing to watch them use their imagination and the infinite possibilities that they have that doesn't hold them back. My nieces are three and five (well the eldest is almost six) when I speak to them or play games with them or even watching TV I see their eyes looking at everything with enthusiasm and imagination. Their lives are filled with so much passion, opportunity and happiness.

Sometimes I wonder when do we grow up and rationalise what is right and sensible, when do we start to ask questions? At what time do we grow up and stop the excitement?

I constantly think about my nieces and what they are capable of, police officer? Astronaut? Or scientist? Whatever they do I will be proud.

I want them to know that I am that over the top Aunty who would totally want to be 'twinning' with the same outfits or that I even constantly talk about them and how proud I am.

Kyla and Chloe,

You two are mini-superheroes in the making, you are so powerful. You are capable of greatness, you have control of your future. Your life is made out of the choices you make. Whether right or wrong, I will support you through them.

Be Bold. Be Strong. Be Fierce. Know who you are. Be yourself.

Live your life for you and not for anyone else. This doesn't make you selfish. We love you, family is not perfect but never forget that we love you.

Dream big. Never let anyone tell you that your dreams are unreachable (unless you want to land on the sun, that is unfortunately at the moment unreachable) Don't let anyone tell you that your dreams are ridiculous. Always be excited for what you do, even a small achievement, be excited and be proud. Celebrate all the achievements you do.

Frustration, anger and sadness are as valid as happiness, laughter and appreciation. Letting your emotions show, you can still be powerful and strong.

Trust yourself, you know yourself better than anyone else. Listen to yourself.

Listen to your fears, but don't be reckless. Life is too short and can be taken at any moment. Respect your fears, this is how you discover yourself.

You are important, don't let anyone tell you that you deserve anything less.

You are loved and safe.

Don't fake perfection, no one is perfect people will like you just the way you are.

You have been loved and given everything to live your life, get out there, give everything 100% and even if you fail, get back to it and start again. Don't hold yourself back.

You girls are leaders, strong and talented.

You girls are my superheroes. You girls make me smile. Make me a better person.

From someone who admires you two.
Aunty Molly

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hi guys, this is completely different to my usual posts, but I have a huge announcement to make. I am so excited/nervous for this but I'm so happy with how things are going now!

I feel like I could run around and scream because I'm so happy. Last week I had found out that I had been chosen to be a Youth Champion for the charity Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families. What does that charity do? Here is a quote from the website.

The Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families has developed and delivered pioneering mental health care for over 60 years. Our aim is to transform current mental health provision in the UK by improving the quality, accessibility and effectiveness of treatment. We believe that every child and their family should be at the heart of the care they receive, working in partnership with professionals.

The role of a Youth Champion is developing and delivering services, innovation and research aimed at improving and maintaining positive mental health in young people.

Click HERE for the Anna Freud Website.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post and announce this but I was so excited that I had to.

Self-Care Checklist! Part One!

"Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place"

Self-care is very important in recovery, you've got to look after yourself. This is the first part of a four-part post!

1. Reread one of your favourite books.
It has been proven that reading can help reduce stress by at least two-thirds. Even six minutes of reading can help reduce your stress. It has also been proven to help more than drinking tea or going for a walk. Source 
2.Take a 20-30 minute nap.
This type of nap provides significant benefit for improved alertness and performance without leaving you feeling groggy.
3.Write down a list of things that you are grateful for.
For example, you could say 'I am grateful for .... because ...'
4. Doodle or Colour.
I like doing typography and I have a Harry Potter colouring book c:
5. Practice mindfulness.
click HERE for the post on mindfulness
6. Celebrate a small achievement.
Even if it's just getting changed or for me was catching the bus.
7. Make a best friend date.
watch some documentaries, order out food and watch some movies.
(pizza is always a good best friend date)
8. Plan a mini staycation.
What is a staycation you ask? staying at home but going out to local attractions, check your local area for free museums and country parks.
9. De-clutter.
Get rid of things that give you bad memories or stuff that you just don't need!
10. Write down your short-term and long-term goals.
When your feeling low and uninspired write down your short term goals and long term. Put them in two different columns and tick off when completed.
11. Have a bubble bath.
Add some Lavender essential oil, bubbles, candles and you have a nice bath!
12. Wear your pyjamas all day.
This is my go-to, wear your pyjamas all day and have a lazy day.
13. Binge watch your favourite TV show.
I always binge watch Dance Moms, when I feel sad or low another of my go to TV shows to watch, is Ghost Adventures.
14. Get dressed up for no reason.
I'm either in joggers or all dressed up it makes me feel confident and great!

For the printable PDF click HERE

*background photo is not mine*

Valentines Lavender and Honey Biscuits!

So Valentines is just a few days away and I decided to make some Lavender and Honey biscuits. They're easy to make and perfect for Valentine's day.

They smell lush and are delicious. (they went down well!)

First, preheat your oven to 180c/160fan/Gas Mark 4. Mix the butter (185g/6.5oz) Caster Sugar (200g/7oz) and the vanilla extract (1tsp.)

Then add the flour (320/11.25oz), 1 egg and 1 egg yolk, 2tbsp of dried lavender and two tbsp of clear honey and mix until the mixture forms a soft dough. Then take the dough, knead slightly to make sure all the ingredients are incorporated and shaping it into a ball. Wrap the dough in clingfilm and chill in the fridge for thirty minutes. 

Roll the dough out on a floured surface (this requires a lot of patience because the dough will be sticky) You can use whatever cookie cutter you want, I used heart shaped cutters because of Valentine's day (which had me wanting to throw everything and be like nope i'm done! Because the dough was sticky and had tested my patience. BUT you can add more flour) Instead of using cookie cutters you could roll them into little balls and press them down with the end of a rolling pin or your thumb. 

Place onto a baking tray lined with a baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes until the edges are golden brown. You should remove the biscuits from the baking tray as they have a tendency to over bake when left in the tray. 

Sprinkle with icing sugar or caster sugar. 

An Open Letter To My Anxiety.

Anxiety,

You and I have been living together for years, although we are not the best of friends, living with you is like being followed by a voice. You know all my insecurities and you use them against me. At some points, all I can hear is your voice in a room full of voices.

I don't remember when I met you for the first time, we've known each other for so long you are like family. The crazy aunt or uncle that you only see at family gatherings. You were so mean to me when you said 'I am not going anywhere anytime soon,' and I realised you were telling the truth for once. And I believed you.

You and I we fight almost constantly, over the littlest of things, such as leaving the house or catching the bus. I tried to make you leave, tried to kick you out, but you stood up and said no. You didn't want to leave, you got worse each time you came back. But you bought your cousin: Depression. I didn't leave the house for a week; contemplating how to get rid of you the best way. But getting rid of you would mean getting rid of myself. And I didn't want that to happen.

I hope I could say that you and depression had left me alone after all the fighting, but unfortunately, you didn't. You two attacked me at the same time and I couldn't escape you both. I was living in fear when you had turned my own mind, my own body against me, and I had no control over myself but to ride the attack out. Whenever I thought of something good, you made me think that I wasn't good enough, that I will never be good enough.

You force me to over analyse everything, to the point, where I still over analyse everything and can barely function in social situations. To the point where I exhaust myself when talking to people. I had worked so hard to become someone who mattered, someone who was a social butterfly, but you turned me into someone who didn't because I had become a hermit. And that is because of you. You are someone who is always in the room, always on my back telling me that I will never be good enough for anything, but sometimes that stops, sometimes you take a break.

But when you're away that's when I plan my attack, I learn to love myself and I get to know who I am as a person, and I'm planning my attack. I've decided to not let my mind wander to the point where you have it in your grasp. Rather, when I feel you there, getting ready to attack, I swear I won't be frightened anymore. I know that you're telling me lies, and I have the strength to know that you're lying. I can and will pull myself up, dust you off and continue on my own.

All I'm here to say is:

You haven't won. It's over.

Custard Cream Cupcakes!

It's currently snowing where I am and I just had to write a recipe for these cupcakes i made the other day! I absolutely adore custard creams and cupcakes, so what better to do than make a recipe involving the two? Custard Cream Cupcakes! They are delicious! They're light and fluffy and so delicious!

Line a muffin tin with 12 cupcake/muffin cases and preheat your oven to 180c/160 fan/Gas Mark 4. 

Cream together the butter (225g/8oz) and caster sugar (225g/8oz) until light and fluffy, then add the eggs (4 eggs, beaten) flour (200g/7oz) bicarbonate of soda (1/2tsp) and custard powder (100g/3.5oz) and beat again until all the ingredients are mixed together. 

The mix will be thick until you add the whole milk (50ml)

Spoon into the cases evenly (I use an ice cream scoop, about half full) and then bake in your preheated oven for 15-18 minutes until cooked through, test with a skewer. Remove from the oven and leave to cool on a wire rack.

To make the buttercream: Beat the butter (200g/7oz) until smooth and slowly add the icing sugar (400g/14oz) I use a tablespoon to add the icing sugar, add until all the icing sugar is incorporated into the mix. Add the milk (1-3tbsp) until you reach your desired consistency also add the Vanilla essence (1/2tsp) and mix again until light, fluffy and smooth. 

Decorate the cupcakes with a piping tip and add the Custard Creams to the top. Enjoy :) 

My go to list for spoken word poetry!

Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm just bored I have a go-to list for spoken word poetry, I probably know all the words to these poems and recite them when I'm anxious and it calms me, My top ten is down below along with gifs that I have made c:

1) Explaining my Depression to my Mother - Sabrina Benaim

2) In Which I Do Not Fear Harvey Dent - Brenna Twohy

3) 9 Things I Would Like To Tell Every Teenage Girl - Melissa Newman-Evans

4) The Girl Becomes Gasoline - Reagen Myers

5) Paper Dolls - Sierra DeMulder

6)Black Boys, Die Easy - Akeem Olaj 

7) Somewhere in America - Brave New Voices

8)Pepper Spray - Amanda Pressman 

9)People You May Know - Kevin Kantor

10) R.I.P [Rewind It Please] - Suli Breaks

Click here for my full slam poetry youtube playlist. Please let me know in the comments which one you liked the most! Short post as I wont be uploading until Friday x

Preventing Relapse through Mindfulness

Those who have suffered from mental illness or addiction knows how difficult it is to recover, it is never easy. You will always go through moments where you feel like giving up, and that's normal. Recovery isn't an easy road, it's a winding road with potholes, hills and roundabouts. But in the end, it will all be worth it.

Hopefully, this list can help you or someone you know when the urges to relapse emerge.
1)Become skilful at recognising negative thoughts.
This one is a must, to recover you need to know what and how the negative thoughts affect you, I look at my negative thoughts like a parrot in a cage. This parrot won't shut up and all you have to do is put a blanket on it - this can be done using positive affirmations such as: 'don't believe everything you think' or 'you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it'-Margaret Thatcher.
2)have non-judgemental compassion for yourself and others who are struggling,
3)Become aware of triggers and blind reactions.
Triggers can be very different for everyone, and can set off an attack (could be panic anxiety) or it could cause you to relapse. Learn how to ground yourself and/or meditate in these situations. Learning triggers and blind reactions is very important in recovery, as the trigger and/or blind reaction can affect your recovery.
4)Build a mindful lifestyle, including meditation and breathing techniques.
I'll give two examples of breathing techniques and a grounding technique. (I will make a post about meditation and breathing techniques soon too)

• Belly Breathing: Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, your stomach should expand.Exhale slowly through your mouth. As you breathe out, purse your lips tightly and keep your jaw and tongue relaxed. 
• The Measured Breath: Breathe in slowly through your nose and count to four, Keep your shoulders down and make sure your stomach expands as you breathe in. Hold your breath for a moment. Release your breath slowly as you count to seven.
• Grounding: To ground yourself, what are the five things you can see? What are the four things you can feel? What are the three things you can hear? What are the two things you can smell? What is the one thing you can taste? This uses all of your senses to help you focus on the things around you.

5) Learn to pause, think and feel before acting out.

I've explained a couple of points that I think need more explanation and have left the points that are quite obvious to do. I hope you liked this post, feel free to follow and like!

Overcoming and conquering

Very recently, (like a month or two ago) I had spoken at a CAMHs stakeholders meeting, it was very nerve-wracking, my anxiety was raging inside me. But i had managed to do it! I was so proud of myself, words could not explain how far I have come recently. I was told i should write it out so here we go, I will make a post out of it.

Fun fact: The word panic is actually from the greek word 'panikos' referring to the Greek God Pan, who would apparently shout at people who were alone in the woods and freak them out. 

I have been under CAMHs for around three years and have recently aged out of the service as I had turned eighteen. CAMHs has helped support me through times when I really needed someone to talk to and understand what i'm going through.They have helped me gain confidence and self-esteem. It was really nice knowing that someone was there to help me through anything, even the smallest things, like catching a bus.

For the past year, i have been involved in a group called Service User Participation. Which gets current and ex-users of CAMHs to meet up and talk about the service and how we could improve it. Through this we are able to share opinions, give valuable feedback and whilst we do this we gain confidence and friendships.

I will not lie, my school experience wasnt that great, but the support that I had recieved was amazing, without that I would not have gone to CAMHs. But we all know that support in schools can be improved tremendously. I, of course, was lucky enough to have a great support system in school. But alot of young people don't have that oppurtunity to have that support.

Did you know? one in ten children and young people aged 5-16 suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder. That is around three in every class. 

It is and has been extremely important to me to have been able to give my advice and feedback to the new school's team, who go into schools and train teachers and talk to students about how to appropriately deal with students who suffer from mental health disorders. I, wholeheartedly believe that our future is based on those in schools, and we need to tell them that sometimes mental wellness comes before grades. Young people are 100% our future.

Sometimes we just have to tell them that you are strong enough for getting out of bed in the morning when it feels like hell.You are brave for doing things, even though they scare you or make you anxious.And you are amazing for trying and holding on, even when life gets hard. So I hope you're proud of yourself. You deserve it.

I also am writing for my desire to decrease stigma on having a mental illness and educate not only young people but older people too. Stigma definitely plays a role in one's recovery, I have been called a princess and an attention seeker when having an anxiety attack. See this is the stigma, because, unfortunately, we live in a world where if you break your leg, everyone runs over to sign your cast. But if you tell them that you have a mental illness, everyone runs in the other direction. That's the stigma you see, we are so accepting of any body part breaking down, other than our brains. And that is ignorance. Pure ignorance. And that ignorance has created a world that doesn't understand depression. That doesn't understand Mental illness.

Anxiety attacks aren't always the textbook hyperventilating. They can come in various forms such as Unpredictable bouts of rage and/or irritability. Pickiness and sometimes even hypersensitivity to change. Fast-talking, stuttering, and/or stumbling over words. Not talking at all. Sitting still, seeming zoned out. Understanding the way anxiety works can help decrease stigma, in the school place and at work. It also helps those around someone who is having an attack to help them calm down, this just says a few, but there are so much more.

Mental illness is a part of my life and I want to raise awareness for others with mental illness. I don't believe I have anything to be ashamed of. Sometimes people forget that Teenagers and even children suffer from mental illness. This is a difficult subject to talk about trust me. I know. But if we talk about mental health more, people will understand and help reduce the stigma. I wrote this as I want to inspire people, I want someone to look at me and say 'because of you, I didn't give up'

First Post!

A little while back I had an idea to start my own blog, something that documented my journey to overcoming my anxiety and depression. But alas, I did not. Why? Because I was anxious. (Story of my life)

Hi! I'm Molly, I'm 18 years old, and as you have previously read I suffer from anxiety and depression, this has affected my life and i would like to tell everyone that having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you all enjoy reading my blog, I will be updating weekly. 

Molly 

xox